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Saturday, October 12, 2013

Invasive political opinions threaten fragile ideological environment of Brandeis Geopolitical-dome. 
Ecology department warns of threats to the Geo-dome's political climate. 

Political diversity threatens the fragile
political climate protected by the
Brandeis Geo-political dome

The arrival of new students in August always brings a feeling of hope and renewal to Brandeis University, a Boston-area University of about 3,500 undergraduate students. The University has a proud tradition of welcoming in new students, many of them from diverse backgrounds and foreign countries. But as the semester reached its second month, researchers at the University's biology department have suggested that Brandeis' new students may be the death of the University's proud political environment, which is currently enclosed by the Brandeis Geopolitical-dome. 

Constructed in 1967, the Brandeis Geopolitical-dome has been the hallmark of Brandeis' commitment to political integrity. "Our unique blend of liberal, democratic, and left-wing politics has defined Brandeis University for the past 60 years," says Political Ecologist at Brandeis Maureen Lauren-Berwick. "The Geo-dome has been instrumental in retaining that precious political ideology, and keeping it safe from the dangerous political aspirations of the real world." Researchers point out, however, that Brandeis' unique system has undergone serious changes recently, with more right-wing and extreme-left wing politics taking hold in what was once a serene landscape of moderate left-wing homogeny. 

Researchers say that Brandeis' new freshman class may be the source of this dangerous political diversity. The new students, despite being mostly democrats, also contain a good number of moderate conservatives, libertarians, and communists. "Never before have we had to consider this, but our unique political structure is extremely fragile," Political Chemist graduate student Oliver Roberts-Erwin stressed, "and is just as susceptible to damage from within as it is from the outside. Where even last year Brandeis was 99.3% Democrat, by this year we've seen an increase in conservatism by 14%. These figures are unacceptable." 

Dr. Jonathan Goldstein-Habsburg, the leading professor at Brandeis' political biology department, says that the University still has a chance to retain its previous political homogeny. "It is possible, that by limiting the influx of conservatives and far-leftists to a trickle, we can cancel them out by admitting a number of extremely fervent Democrats from Cambridge. We may not ever achieve the absolute pristine homogeny we once had, but we can still make an attempt at reasonable homogeny levels." 


Brandeis University, underneath its protective Geopolitical-dome. 

Besides the rapid growth of Brandeis Republicans, the influx of international students has weakened Brandeis' political environment by bringing political influences into the Geo-dome that were previously unknown to students. "There's this kid in my economics class from Turkey," said Sophomore Tanya Rothberg, "and he said he's a member of the Republican People's Party of Turkey. He's a 'Republican,' but his party is also socialist. That doesn't even make sense!" International students' foreign political parties that don't have parallels to American political parties have caused much confusion among American Brandeis students, and according to the Brandeis political science department, have greatly contributed to the weakening of Brandeis' Geo-dome.  

"When students are confronted with political systems that have no distinct American parallels, it forces them to rethink their own political affiliations," said Political Physics professor Jason Levin-Shapiro. "It also forces them to consider the politics of areas outside the Geopolitical-dome, which greatly weakens the Geo-dome's integrity from the inside. Unless students are returned to an exclusively American political climate, we risk losing the only political environment we've ever had." 

Seeing a politically diverse Brandeis University as inevitable, many Brandeis students are moving on to accept the change in political diversity. Political science researchers have stated that if the current trend continues, the Geo-dome may be rendered obsolete by 2018. If this happens, researchers state it is likely to be removed. For now, Brandeis encourages its students to remain strong in the face of change. "We tried to protect ourselves from the real world," Levin-Shapiro added, "but it turns out that our biggest danger comes from within."